Thursday 24 November 2016

This day in 2006

So today marks 10years since we had our wedding!!

All the planning comes to this day...looking for fabric in a road called DuBois (kumbe its pronouced du-bwa)....fabric called crashed tafeta (we didnt get it, and settled for tafeta instead...yeah...there is a difference LOL)....many trips to the taylor in hurlingham....going to almost every shop in town that claims they have wedding gowns for hire (yes for 1 week then you return), kumbe its for size 2 people!! and finally getting one shop right in the middle of town, with gowns that fit!!.....running around town with Sam to literally all the shops that sell suits....waaa.....giving up on finding flowers and finally ordering them from the person on groundfloor where i used to work!! We could not have imagined the details that go into planning for a day like this!! many meetings in a restaurant in Nakumatt lifestyle....all the varied ideas...waaaa...

So the day had finally come....and what a day it was!! I was happy and anxious at the same time, but mercifully everything fell into place as the day wore on.

In the morning, woke up early enough and had a good breakfast, so many people in the house! Aunties, grandmother had come the night before and were all chatting animatedly. My dad and people from Dar also arrived the night before. We dressed up slowly since we had enough time and the church (Our Lady Queen of Peace, South B) was literally round the corner!

The isukuti team came in early and started beating their drums...if jirani didnt know there was a wedding, now they knew. It was a Friday, but schools had closed, so many children came near the house to see what was going on. My lovely aunties sang loudly to the isukuti beat...cant go wrong with that beat I tell you.

A friend had told me she would get me the car that would drive us around, and I told her, thanks. Kumbe it was a sleek black mercedes benz!! imagine that, with a gracious driver to boot.

Sam and his group were in Golden Gate getting ready also and he was driven to church by his cousin...apparently they had agreed a long long time ago, that during his wedding, she would drive him to church.

Mass was lovely....Fr Clement  Alekwe (may he RIP) was solemn during the whole occasion. I think he had another appointment, because he left soon as after mass was over (before we could take a photo with him!)

Anyhoo, photoshoot outside the church and off we went to Nairobi safari walk for more photos. Reception was indoors in south C because November can surprise someone with showers and thunderstorms...less speeches at the venue, some dancing and it was a wrap!! In all the planning we totally forgot to have a designated car for gifts!! but a friend quickly offered her car to carry them home...phew....The gracious driver dropped us back home at 6pm and he was like this is the earliest he has ever dropped a bridal party...hehehehehe.

Night dancing was at Club Afrique huko Westlands :)

We were so so happy to see friends and relatives celebrate that day with us! Thank you to all of you who turned up - for your positive thoughts and prayers...for stepping in to fill the gaps we had not anticipated. One friend took photos on the side and gave them to us a gift...was so lovely & thoughtful since he captured almost everyone, as opposed to hired photographer who concentrated on the 'high table'!!  The little gal who walked in front of us (my cousin) sat her KCPE this year and the little boy (my nephew) seats his exams next year....yeah, its 10years alright!!

Cheers to many more memories and years together P!!

Amen!!

Monday 21 November 2016

Marriage and young minds...

So I was in a forum recently and a young lady and I took to each other and she was comfortable talking to me for some reason - me the one who doesnt talk much! anyways, she was giving me some tips on my hairstyle and how I can rock a different one given that my hair is natural and this product is good...and dont wash with that else.....she was very knowledgeable I must say...about hair then out of the blue she starts this conversation on marriage...

so how is it being married??

its ok...great actually!! why??

you didn't fear giving all your power to someone else?

am like, eh...(in my mind - that sounds so serious when you put it like that)....its a thought but you make a decision and make it work

We talked some more...her main concern was having to rely on another person 100%....power balance issues.....it got me thinking, mmm...whatever her reasons for thinking that way about marriage, her concerns are valid. So let me put on my Big Sister hat and dish out some thoughts.....so here it is ....to all my young sisters

1. Marriage is interesting - interesting since you are two very different people, from different homes, different personalities, different experiences, different values and now you are together. Considering that what we hold as true has been moulded for say 25+ years and now trying to make new memories together - that's a recipe for something interesting if I dare say so myself...all depends on how you look at it, right?

2. Marriage is challenging, some periods definately more challenging than others....one can even begin to doubt the decisions they have made......and you can have egos blocking what you want, but never loose focus of what made you want to be together. Hopefully you are not both strong willed since one or the other has to back down for the sake of the union....however, of course there could be a bigger problem is you are the one constantly stepping back!!

3. Marriage is about two people - two complete people decided to come together and make a perfect union; defend it - don't let others into your space, whether emotionally or physically...there are too many vultures out there!!...eh, now more than ever, the vultures can also be virtual!! internet things!!. Hopefully both of you want it to work, so both will defend it.

4. Marriage is dual submission - #hiding - and that's my humble submission

5. Marriage is a project - it has to have a joint vision and of course the resources to  actualise it - resources is not only cash....time, energy, enthusiasm etc....can all be resources as well!!. These have to be clear for both else it gets counter productive -so communication is key---so better if you are good friends to begin with right??. If one doesn't like how the 'project' is headed, better say it while the issue is still hot else you boil inside you and maybe there was a good explanation as to what happened!!. For instance, I once heard a priest say, if one of you doesnt want to offer sadaka, better don't offer it than offer it in hiding!!

6. Marriages do last!! we have many examples around us.....so no need getting all cynical that it doesn't work....ask God for the grace to make yours work!

7. Marriage is ordained by God himself.. so it goes without saying that prayer is central to the union....




there is much much more I can say, but since 7 is a perfect number, so let me leave it there


...and this I know for sure!!